a friend of the devil is a friend of mine
by sillybitch7
Summary: rigby loves mordecai a whole awful lot. too bad mordecai doesn't know. morby dont read if u dont like it i guess x


**i'm trying to force myself to write again because i haven't written anything in so so long and i'm very out of practice. **

**sorry this first chapter is sort of on the shorter side! **

_**xxXxx**_

It's weird to think about, but most of my earliest memories involve him. Mordecai, I mean. Who else? No one else has been there as long as he has, or stuck around quite as long. I have this vague image in my head of being maybe five or six, and it's Fall and there are orange and red and brown leaves everywhere and Mordecai and I are roughing each other up, I think in his backyard. Maybe we were at the park, or the empty lot on Dacey Street we use to play scratch baseball in with a couple other kids we knew from school. I remember him pinning me to the ground and crawling on top of me. And then I remember him kissing me. I can't really remember what happened after that, which can't be too much because nothing really changed with our relationship. We were just kids, you know. Neither of us has ever brought it up, and I'm sure he can't even remember it, it was so long ago.

I'm half tempted to tell Jeremy this story, because it's been on my mind for a while and I can't seem to shake it out and I wish I could remember the way those lips felt against mine, but he's engrossed in his iPhone messaging Chad and something tells me he wouldn't really care all that much. I shouldn't care all that much. But I do.

I've known that I'm in love with Mordecai for a long time. It took me awhile to come to terms with that, you know. Finding out that you're pretty much gay and also pretty much in love with your (very straight) best friend can hit you hard. I never mentioned it to him, and when I got sad over it I could cover it up with a story of my mom being a bitch or something. It hurts though. Like someone took sandpaper to my heart and rubbed it raw and left it in me to deal with myself. He really likes Margaret, and the two are together right now, out seeing some crappy college chick flick type of movie I'm sure he's not enjoying, in the crappy theater with sticky floors and popcorn on the seats and tickets that cost twelve dollars and your soul.

When he told me he was going out I quickly made plans with Jeremy, who's halfway between being my quasi-boyfriend and being my fuck buddy. Jeremy's cool to hang out with when he's not wrapped up in whatever drama Chad's causing, and going to his place and getting high sure beats staying home and watching TV. Mordecai expressed his disapproval about me going over to Jeremy's, which is always does. "He just uses you, dude." True. But I use him too, so I guess I can't really hold that against him. Mordecai knows. That me and Jeremy fuck, I mean. It really bothers him but he won't give me a straight answer as to why. Sometimes it's "I don't want to see you with someone who doesn't care about you." Sometimes it's "I don't want to see my best friend act like a whore." Either way it's whatever.

"Rigby?" Jeremy's voice sounds concerned laced with pissed off, which means I must have been spacing and ignoring him. He doesn't like it when I do that, and he'll probably yell at me for it later.

"Hmm?" I mumble, scooting closer to him on the couch and resting my head on his shoulder. I'm tired, but it could just be the fact that I'm finally crashing from my high. It's only quarter to nine. I think I might stay here the night.

"You alright?" He asks.

"Fine. Just thinking." I kiss him on the lips because I don't want to talk about it, and he seems to get that because he kisses me back. It's not long before I'm on his lap, and I can feel that he's hard. Then I'm on his bed and he's on top of me and he's touching me and it's really all I can focus on. I don't remember when or how my pants wound up on the floor, but pretty soon his fingers are inside me and he's whispering dirty sweet things into my ear.

xxx

I wake up the next morning half naked and sore with three missed calls on my phone from Mordecai. Jeremy's asleep, arm still around me from his attempts at after sex cuddling. He always held me after we did it, which was kind of nice because it made me feel not quite so cheap. I'm quiet and careful when I get out of bed, finding my pants and sliding them on before heading into his kitchen to make a pot of coffee. After it's brewed and I'm sitting at the island counter sipping it, I decide I might as well give Mordecai a call back. Three missed calls from him either meant someone was dead or he was very pissed off. I'm not really prepared to deal with either scenarios at nine in the morning, but I figure it'll only be worse the longer I wait. With any luck maybe he's still asleep- the calls all came in back to back around eleven last night, when I was either being fucked or sleeping, I'm not sure which.

I'm about to hang up after the fourth ring but then he answers. His voice is groggy, and I think I woke him up. "Rigby?"

"Hey dude," I say, and take a sip of my coffee. It's bitter and Jeremy doesn't have any creamer because he sucks.

"Yeah hey dude. I thought you were coming home last night." Even though he's obviously sleepy he still manages to sound both pissed of and mildly intimidating. "I rented a movie for us but I guess you had more important things to do."

I can't help but feel sort of guilty. Mordecai had promised he'd be home before eleven, and so had I. That didn't really happen the way we planned, I guess. Way to fuck up, Rigby. I repress the urge to groan outwardly at myself and rub my temples. "Yeah, sorry about that. I got caught up in some stuff and then fell asleep."

"Yeah? What stuff?" I don't know how to respond to that, and I'm pretty sure he just wants me to admit that I let Jeremy fuck me so he can bitch for the next half an hour about how I degrade myself and sleep around and how it's gross. Whatever. Yolo. "Whatever, Rigby. I'm sure you had a great time sleeping with Jeremy."

Maybe it's because it's 9:06 in the morning or maybe it's because I'm starting to get a god awful tension headache, but I can't help but to get a little pissed off. "You know, I could deal without the attitude Mordecai," I snapped. "I don't know why you think my sex life is any of your business-"

"It's my business because I'm your best friend," he snaps back, cutting me off. "And you obviously can't see how stupid you're being. Jeremy doesn't love you, he just wants to fuck you, and you know it."

See, that's where I think he's wrong. Jeremy doesn't love me romantically, no. He loves Chad, I can see that, I can tell. But as a friend I think he really does love me and care about me. I tell Mordecai this. His response is, "If he really cared about you he would date you and not just screw you." A moot point, but I don't feel like arguing. I'm too tired and too much has happened for it being nine o'nine- strike that, nine ten, in the morning.

"Whatever dude, we'll talk about this later, alright? I'm going to have another cup of coffee and then I'll head home. You going back to sleep?"

He doesn't answer my question, just mumbles a quick "see ya then" and hangs up. I stare at my phone until the screen goes black, then pour myself another cup of coffee. I have a feeling today is going to suck.


End file.
